I used to make fun of people who got homesick. But yesterday as my family drove me to the airport I stared intently into the horizon, hoping that no one would notice the fat hot tears that were rolling down my cheek (indiscreetly). I don’t know when I became such a cry baby about leaving home. I was not always this way, but I guess as I’ve gotten older I’ve grown tired of what seems like a life of never-ending goodbyes.

But if there is one thing that I’ve learned in my fifth move in two years, it is that goodbyes are tough, but they also make room for unforeseen hellos– and you need to make room in your life for these encounters. I was heartbroken when I left Houghton, I couldn’t imagine a different life, but London had so many things to show me. Same feeling when I left London, and yet I was taught more in Toronto, and after Toronto, Atlanta…

… and now I’m sitting at the cusp of my biggest adventure yet. Fifteen months in Germany (the longest I’ve been in any one place in the last five years), and I genuinely have very little idea of what to expect. I know I will change. But how? With whom? and because of what? These are details that cannot be predicted, only anticipated.   And let me tell you… the process of transition is never luxurious.

I learned this in just one day. My airline Condor and I did not have the deepest of love relationships, and to add to this strain I had the pleasure of learning that my luggage had been lost when I arrived in Frankfurt. I was tired, cranky, and ready to blow a fuse… of course, things like this would not happen if I had just stayed home.

And yet, in the same day my best friend, Elisabeth (who is German), picked me up from the airport. On our way home we stopped at Mara’s (a mutual friend’s) home and ate lunch with her and her family. Afterwards we made our way over to Rodenbach. I ran on this small town’s roads, and admired its beauty, while preparing for my last move to Göttingen this weekend. I left home, and it was uncomfortable. But a new home was (and still is) materializing in front of me.  Oddly, in a country  I have barely set foot in.

Every time you leave the world you know, you make yourself vulnerable to factors you cannot control, with the deepest hope of an optimistic outcome. It is an act of faith. And as I sit here with,”Day one in Deutschland” under my belt and a blank canvas in front of me, I can’t help but be grateful. Despite all the heartache, growing pains and inconveniences that will inevitably arise from staying in a foreign land (like today I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to put my credit card in the German machine, sorry Cashier-lady…), I am aware that only a privileged person can travel presuming they will have more positive experiences then negative. And when life hands you a gift like that, you have to answer the call, ready to see what lessons it has to show you. In eager faith you will grow.

So… right now I do miss home, and everyone I call home. But I’m waiting to see what new adventure will come to me, and what stories I will send back to those I love.

***

This blog post was inspired by the following prayer that my dear friend, Amy Chatelaine had sent me. If you have time please read below.

For the Traveler

New strangers on other paths await.
New places that have never seen you
Will startle a little at your entry.
Old places that know you well
Will pretend nothing
Changed since your last visit.

When you travel, you find yourself
Alone in a different way,
More attentive now
To the self you bring along,
Your more subtle eye watching
You abroad; and how what meets you
Touches that part of the heart
That lies low at home:

How you unexpectedly attune
To the timbre in some voice,
Opening in conversation
You want to take in
To where your longing
Has pressed hard enough
Inward, on some unsaid dark,
To create a crystal of insight
You could not have known
You needed
To illuminate
Your way.

When you travel,
A new silence
Goes with you,
And if you listen,
You will hear
What your heart would
Love to say.

A journey can become a sacred thing:
Make sure, before you go,
To take the time
To bless your going forth,
To free your heart of ballast
So that the compass of your soul
Might direct you toward
The territories of spirit
Where you will discover
More of your hidden life,
And the urgencies
That deserve to claim you.

May you travel in an awakened way,
Gathered wisely into your inner ground;
That you may not waste the invitations
Which wait along the way to transform you.

May you travel safely, arrive refreshed,
And live your time away to its fullest;
Return home more enriched, and free
To balance the gift of days which call you.

~ John O’Donohue ~

I got this text here.